Life Dreaming

I’ve been watching Coco dog over the last 3 days.

There’s a beautiful river walk near the cottage and I’m taking a couple of hours each day to walk along it.

I take my flask of tea, a snack, camera and notebook and off we go – Coco running ahead in her bliss.

The first time we tried to cross a little stream Coco stayed on the other side and barked at me. She doesn’t swim.

I went back and helped her across.

And on the other side? Doggy heaven with so many places to run.

Yesterday she ran across the stream dragging me behind her because she knew what fun was on the other side.

Now she’s trying to find a way across the big river and I’m fascinated.

It’s almost like she yearns to be on the other side and she won’t give up. She just keeps trying and trying – even though she can’t swim and is a bit afraid.

When she gets too stressed by it all she turns her back to the river and does what she knows – she goes running around in the forrest – and then she keeps coming back to the river.

Has she made it across yet?

Nope and it’s not for want of trying. Her persistence and patience is astonishing. If one little way doesn’t work then she tries another and another and another – and get wet and scared and comes back to be with me for a while.

You know and I know that Coco isn’t having any huge thoughts about having a dream and metaphors about life.

That’s for the mad humans like me.

Coco dog has no self doubt or little voices saying

‘’why are you doing this?’’

‘’bet there are other dogs who can do this better’’

‘’who said you’re good enough to cross the river’’

‘’you’ll never make it’’

She also has no real plan or strategy [like – find the calm shallow bits!] but she looks like she’s having a ball.

These river walks over the last 3 days are Coco’s joy and my sanity.

I’m sitting here to the sound of the river as I write this post. It’s sunny and deeply peaceful – even when my brain is running like a few dozen gerbils in a cage.

The gerbils are really busy as Marc and I prepare to launch the online Life Dreaming Expedition later this year and I’m also starting to promote the 1 day Luxury Life Dreaming Voyage for the end of May.

I’ve always admired my artist friends – musos; singers; painters; writers; filmmakers; actors and artistic events programmers . They  do what they love [and sometimes hate] and then put it out there in public.

I’ve always thought how brave that is – to let what you create go – to literally lose all control over people’s reactions to it.

And in just over a month I’ll be doing the same and today I got a few jitters.

Amazing what comes up when you least expect it.

I LOVE the Life Dreaming Expedition and truly believe it’s a beautiful and practical set of activities that can be of real benefit to people.

And there are the voices that say:

‘’why are you bothering’’

‘’bet there’s better out there’’

‘’it’s not perfect … you still need to tinker with it’’

Blah blah blah

Sitting by the river I hear those voices and let myself feel a little jittery and fragile.

And the other voices [I call them fairy/amazons with attitude] say:

‘’anyone that has read the LD Expedition modules love them – there’s something for everyone’’

‘’ you’ve used the activities and they’ve helped you and heaps of other people’’

‘’get over yourself – nothing’s perfect. ‘’

I’m not alone.

I have my brother and business partner Marc who is my calm port in a storm. I have so many friends and family who believe in me.

Guess I’ll just have to cross the river.

A neat paradox.

This one has been and will be my biggest challenges as I work towards getting me and Coco dog back to Oz in early 2012.

Getting back to Oz – that’s the Big Dream – obviously.

Now dear reader, I would happily loll and live in the moment if :-

• All the money I needed (€12,000 and counting) was in the bank
• Someone else tracked down all the info about transporting a dog across the world – and – sorted my New Zealand passport – and – did all the marketing for my workshops – and – launched Life Dreaming – and and and and

It would be easy peasy.

It’s not – never is – never will be.

That’s the kick in the arse of having dreams and not just drifting through life. You gotta work (and play) your sweet butt off to make things happen.

The last few months have felt really stressed and all because of – money honey.

My delightful life challenge is to find ways to make money in Ireland during a recession (feels like a depression) that has decimated my consultancy.

I’m no quitter so I’ve been developing ideas and trying to get things up and running. Very slow results but I have hope.

A few weeks ago I realised that most of my energy was focused on the future – planning, making lists, thinking about the next steps and worrying myself into a dither.

I wasn’t looking after myself as well as I could. I do love to eat as a comfort and you know I love my bubbles.

I started to feel totally overwhelmed, stressed, irritable and close to depressed. I was letting my thoughts and feelings rule me. The gerbils were running faster and faster in the cage.

That is not the woman I choose to be.

I stopped and explored what I was doing and what needed to be done.

This is what I asked myself

Work out what you want to do and mark what’s negotiable and what’s not – and then decide next steps.

Here’s what I wrote:

• I want to move back to Australia – not negotiable
• I want to bring Coco dog back with me – not negotiable
• I want to feel healthier and calmer – not negotiable
• I need money to move back – not negotiable
• I want to move back to Oz by the end of February 2012 – negotiable

As you can see, my dream is standing the test of time and it’s just the time frame I need to change to decrease the stress and earn the money – and do the thousands of things that need doing.

I am now looking at a move date of April/May 2012 and that has it’s own ramifications as I’ll need to look for short term accommodation from the end of Feb – but that’s something that will work out.

People have suggested I leave Coco dog here for 3 months and go to Oz and earn money. My gut tells me that I’d rather stay here with her and bring her across. Trying to sort someone to look after her has its own costs.

S0, that’s the big picture sorted.

How am I embracing living in the moment?

I’ve created and decided a few things over the last 7 days that have really helped me enjoy the day to day:

• Go Play – I walk Coco for 45 minutes every day. I laugh and throw the ball and just revel in her delight at being alive. She’s the zen mistress of living in the moment. The exercise is also fab for me and I just relax and take lots of deep breaths and keep throwing the ball for Coco.
• Shut the Feck Up - I’ve placed a moratorium on worrying about bloody money for 2 weeks and may extend it. When the fear rises and the Goblins sing – I tell them to shut the feck up – I’m doing the best I can.
• Look after my body – Over the last week I cut out all sugars, starches, carbs and alcohol. I was amazed at how my emotions evened out and calmed down – no anxiety or mood swings. I felt clearer and more able and my body got lighter (by 7lbs) as a result. I’m giving alcohol a miss for the next 60 days and loving my vegetables, fish, chicken and green teas. And it’s no hassle as I can already see the results physically and emotionally.
• Don’t give up - In terms of earning money I’m working every day to promote my workshops and 1 to 1 sessions and am applying for any kind of work that matched my skills. All this effort will reap some reward soon – I hope.
• Enjoy the details - In November I start creating the vids for the Life Dreaming Expedition and I’m tres looking forward to it. I’m also doing a self directed learning course on launching online products so I can be ready next year when we launch it all. I see all the actions I do everyday as having meaning and purpose – working towards my dream. I also see a lot of what I do as a kind of work/play and do the best I can in every moment.
• Ask for Help – I’m asking for help and support from friends, family and complete strangers. I’m asking for feedback on the Luxury Life Dreaming Voyage I’m creating for January. I’m asking/bartering time from a student artist to put my workshop flyers around her campus. I’ll keep asking and most of the time people want to help.
• It’s not always about me – I give my time to help and support others. Like every human being I can be tres self absorbed. Listening and supporting other people takes me away from myself and gives me perspective.
• Treat myself – I bought some second hand books and lovely bar of scented soap this week. Things that cost very little and give me great pleasure.
• Just Stop - I stop all through the day and  - breath in, look around, stretch the old muscles and tell myself it’ll all work out somehow. I revel in the now and relish the taste, texture and scent of things. It calms and delights me. Patting Coco dog always helps.

And when the details of the day to day look like tumbling down on me I

STOP

And take a look at the Big Picture Dream – me and Coco dog on the beach with my sis and time with all my family and friends. I also savour the moment I’m in right now.

New Adventures.

And here’s a little blast from the past – The Only Way is Up

It’s amazing where you learn about life and who teaches you.

If you stay open and have a look around then nearly anything can be a life lesson.

In early July 2008 I had been wishing that a dog would turn up out of the blue for my birthday and be my dog.

I’m more of a lolling thinking kind of woman than a climb every mountain gal … so I pictured something small to medium sized … low energy kind of dog.

Two days before my birthday I heard my neighbours dogs out the back playing [I lived in a row of cottages that had a lane down the back and land] … so out I went to say hi to Maggie and the dogs.

I walked down the lane and amongst the pack of 4 or so dogs was a puppy.

Maggie says it was like a scene in a movie … I saw the puppy … the puppy saw me … and we ran to each other.

Pup had been abandoned and living under a boat for a few days and Mags had brought her home just that day.

I said I’d take her in for the night … and she’s been with me ever since … over 2.5 years now.

You know how sometimes something/someone comes into your life for a reason … to help teach you?

Well Coco [after chocolate and Chanel] has taught me so much about myself and life in general … and I’d like to share some of the things I’ve learnt from my Life Zen Mistress.

Now is really Now – Coco has very little sense of the past and no sense of the future. She is totally present in Now and watching her be Now relaxes me and I am more present.

It’s OK to look silly – Coco is a beautiful looking dog but when she runs she looks like a happy fool … and she couldn’t care less. I can be silly and I’m  not terribly selfconscious … and … I could be silly more often.

There’s always time to Play – when I’m concentrating for hours on end writing or researching or just thinking … Coco will drop the tennis ball on the computer … sit down … and look at me as if to say ”Time for a break Empress of the Universe”.  And I stop and look around and come back to NOW … and throw the ball and laugh and play with Coco.

You don’t always need a huge vocabulary – dogs need simple words to understand what we are asking them to do because they really don’t understand Human. I think Coco is very smart because she understands me when I string 2 or 3 words together … Find Ball Upstairs.

Keep it Simple – Coco doesn’t need a lot to be happy. There are a few things that make up her happy bliss world … her Empress of the Universe [that's me] … food … shelter … play … walkies … nice smells … other dogs to play with … tummy rubs … and a tennis ball.

It’s OK to be mega excited about something and show it … when I wake up in the morning I’m greeted by an ecstatic dog leaping and bounding at the fact that I am alive and in her world … Coco runs around in circles and yelps with joy when she sees me going for her lead. Her exuberance makes me laugh out loud every day and feel real bursts of joy. She helps me see and feel more.

Friends are great fun – Coco loves other dogs and loves nothing better than to be with her pack … she’s happy to see them all the time.

Everyone is unique – this is one thing I love about dogs and animals in general … no ones comparing themselves to anyone else because it would be ludicrous. Coco doesn’t look at other dogs and think ‘Jeez … I wish I was smaller and had longer hair’.

Sometimes loving someone is easy – Coco loves me without any conditions … it’s just a wave of emotion that is an essential part of her. And she loves me when I’m grumpy, irritable and feeling narky. I could really learn something about Love from her.

Naps are essential – Coco and I are in complete agreement on this one. We both love taking naps and just lolling … a lovely balance to all of lifes action and movement.

Exercise can be fun – Coco could run for hours and you see the sheer joy she feels in all the movement. I’m more of a sloth girl so the whole regular walking thing has taken a while to become a pleasure for me. I try and walk Coco every day for over an hour and really enjoy it now … it clears my head and lifts my heart … and has helped me lose over 24 pounds this year [one of my Life Dreams for 2010 ... tick].

Living through your senses is amazing – Coco is a sensate creature and delights in smells and sounds and tastes and things moving … so do I .. although I do draw the line at sniffing bottoms … viva la difference!

There’s always an escape route if you want to take it and sometimes the barriers aren’t really there – dogs are amazing at finding a way to go where they want to … regardless of the barriers. They are also funny at seeing barriers that aren’t there. I used to have to put Coco on a really long rope when we went out the back of the cottages to play with the other dogs because I was still teaching her not to go running too far away. Anyway, one day I let go of my end of the rope … and Coco still only ran where she thought the rope extended.

Loyalty is earned – Coco and I connected from the very first day … and … it took time to forge the deeper bonds of loyalty and respect. We both had to earn it from each other.

You can survive and thrive from a bad start – Coco was abandoned as a 3 month old puppy and struggled on the mean streets of Ballinamore [kidding about Ballinamore ... it's an amazing country town in Ireland] … and she was taken in by a wonderful Empress of the Universe [me again!] and given shelter and love and many many tummy rubs. I think she’d been badly treated because to this day she shies away if you go to pat her head … apart from that she thrives and is now my teacher.

Grovelling works sometimes – Coco is a ninja expert at grovelling to get what she wants or to get out of trouble. There’s the obvious lying on her back … to the less obvious act of leaning against me and staring soulfully at me … and then there’s the tail between the legs and sorrowful eyes.

Good manners get you places – I taught Coco from a very early age to sit and stay … not jump … and to come back when I called her. She’s a big dog and many people are afraid of her until she sits quietly on command. You can see people relaxing and children flock to her. Manners count.

We all have our territories and boundaries – Coco has very clear territory and she’ll bark to let you know that she’s protecting it. She also takes her time to warm to people and I’ve seen her back away from people who have strange energy.

You don’t always get what you wish for but you may get what you need – remember back at the beginning of this post when I said I wished for a small lolling dog? Guess what turned up? A big bouncy energetic Coco. Not what I wanted but definitely what I needed … Coco has helped me change some old life patterns by being who she is.

We all respond to kindness and praise – Coco loves when I tell her she’s the best dog in the world and so clever and beautiful. I thank her when she does what I ask … and I treat her with real kindness. When I have had to reprimand her all I need to use is my tone of voice. When I first trained her there were times when I just lost it and shouted [and one time I sat down and cried] … and it just didn’t work … Coco stayed away.

It takes a while to learn new tricks – when Coco was 7 months old she went through a stage when she wouldn’t come back when I called her. It was so bad that one day when we were walking along the canal she nearly ran out on to the road and nothing I did or said would bring her back. I literally sat on the ground and cried I was so frustrated. I then pretended to faint and Coco came across out of sheer curiousity. It’s taken a while and now she comes back nearly every time … but it did take time.

Patience really is important – training Coco taught me so much about patience [which is my big life lesson]. She wouldn’t be pushed and took time to learn … and I had to match her pace.

Touch is vital – Coco is like all dogs … they love touch … to be patted and stroked and tummy rubs. When I massage Coco’s ears she goes very still and just relaxes. Touching and patting and hugging her helps relax me as well.

There are days when we are beautiful and amazing and the world shines – that’s pretty much Coco’s life every day.

Sometimes you just gotta stop and enjoy what’s around you – Coco was mesmerised the first time she saw the ocean. I love stopping throughout the day and just taking a look around me.

New stuff can be scary – Coco was not sure what she thought of waves. She tends to stand back and watch for a while when something is new to her.

And then the new stuff becomes kind of exciting – the minute she saw seagulls she was in heaven and off she went into the sea! She just leaped in … and that’s how I try to be.

Let Fear speak & sometimes you just need something bigger than fear to move you forward – there’s a steel bridge that crosses the canal where we walk every day. Coco refused to go on it and would bark at me when I did. Very slowly over the last year I’ve been coaxing her to take more and more steps … she tried and then ran back. Last week her favourite things in the world … ducks … were in the water and the only way to see them properly was to go quite a way onto the bridge. I walked on and pointed at the duck ducks … she tentatively walked with paws and legs spread onto the bridge and happily looked at her duck ducks. Yesterday I walked her across the whole bridge.

You can focus And also be open to the unexpected – Coco loves birds and will stand in one spot for ages just looking out through the fence in our yard. I’ve crept up behind her to see what she’s staring at and can’t see anything so I think she sees Fairies. She can focus on something for ages … and … she seems to also have her eyes, nose and ears open for the unexpected … she’ll turn and look/listen/leap if there is something else happening.

Face Forward – Coco tends to face forward and rarely looks behind her … a lot like me.

And sometimes she’ll wear a silly hat because it makes her Empress of the Universe happy.

I hope you enjoyed my musings.

p.s I mentioned on my personal blog yesterday that when I move to Bali late next year I’ll be giving away pretty much everything I own to people I love.

I’ve had a number of concerned readers and friends contact me and ask what will happen to Coco … will I be leaving her behind?

As if.

I’ve done a heap of research on vaccines and quarantine and specialist pet transport companies [Coco will travel in more style than  me!]. I also have a range of things that have to be in the villa I rent that will make sure Coco is happy and safe.

If you have [or had] a pet … what did they teach you about yourself and life?

I love my senses … I revel in them … I explore them … they give my life undiluted delight.

I adore:

• looking - really looking at texture and colour and movement … everywhere … the fireplace in winter … landscape … art … wind dancing … great design
• tasting – ahhh the taste of things … my bubbles … wonderful food … the taste sensations of sweet and hot and cold and savory … smooth and crunchy … great chocolate
• smelling – my Jo Malone perfume … the herbs I grow … the burnt aroma of lapsang souchong tea … the scent of my sweet peas … my dog … rainy days … food cooking
• hearing – different accents … my family and friends voices … music … nature … even city noises
• touching – velvet  … my dog … hugging friends … running my hands along brick and stone …

My senses help me create beauty in my life. Without them I would feel lost.

I’ve never understood why people create such sterile working and living spaces … particularly when they are running workshops on anything to do with personal development.

I remember doing a 2 day workshop once as a participant.

I paid a lot of money to go and had really high expectations … most of which were dashed … except for the lunches.

The woman running the workshop did it from her home and her husband created the amazing meals. They were a visual/aroma taste sensation … and I really just wanted to hang in the kitchen and learn from him … because all I learnt from the woman was how not to run a workshop … and that’s a story for another time.

I think that some people who run workshops think that the way to look professional is to make the space look and feel like either a school room or a corporate board room.

Waaaaay too boring for me.

I’ve worked with thousands of people over the 25 years of my career … and I’ve never seen any reason why we can’t have fun while we learn or discuss or plan.

I bring chocolates and tasty edibles to groups that I facilitate … even to the men in suits.

I love seeing peoples reactions when they walk into a room I have prepared. There’s chocs and fruit and coloured pens and coloured post its … and they smile.

It creates an unconscious sense of play and people know they are about to embark on something different.

When I did the first Life Dreaming workshop the creation of a sensually beautiful space was a priority [oh yeh ... and I had to create some creative and practical LD sessions as well].

The woman who had nagged and nagged me to create Life Dreaming had also offered her beautiful home as the venue.

On the first night the 8 women arrived to a space that was beautiful and relaxing and gently nourished all the senses:

• scented candles everywhere
• gorgeous silk and brocade cushions to loll on
• beautiful hand made papers to write on
• wine and tea and water and juices
• chocolate and cherries and dips and breads and fruit in beautiful bowls
• soft music [blues and jazz and classical ... not a squeeking dolphin sound anywhere]
• beads and sparkles and stars for the fun things we made to go along with each Life Dreaming activity

I wanted to create a space where women felt they could relax and be cossetted … feel safe … and just luxuriate as they did the Life Dreaming work. I love creating the spaces as much as the women enjoyed being in them.

[Edmund Dulac heaven but the image of fulfilled desire]

My home is a sensate space for me … full of colour and texture. I love growing things and at the moment the house is full of daisies and sweet peas and lavendar I’ve grown. I love cooking and going to my back door to pick coriander and basil and mint and rocket for my salads … the scent of herbs as I pick them can make me dizzy.

I wasn’t always so conscious of the importance of sensual beauty in my life.

In my 20′s I rushed a lot … sometimes because I was trying to get somewhere [education; career; men] … and sometimes because I was trying to avoid things … and sometimes just because so many things are new in your 20′s.

In my 30′s and onward I became more conscious of the power of sensual beauty to relax and comfort and energise me.

It’s a running joke with my friends that when I move to a new house … before the first box is unpacked … I’ll have the fire and candles lit … music playing [and thanks always to Marc who sends me the best music compilations] … a plate of olives and dip ready … and the bubbles open … and one painting hung.

I stop a lot through a day and focus on a sense … looking … listening … smelling … tasting … touching … and revel in it.

I walk Coco dog every day for 90 minutes and at the beginning [and obviously the end] of the walk there is a tree on the path that has a divine scent … it’s delicious and makes me smile. I look forward to the scent every day.

Creating sensual beauty in your life doesn’t have to cost a cent.

Just stop and let your senses … sense.

Take the time to really look at the colours around you. I love doing stuff like saying ‘ I’m going to see how many shades of green I’ll see today’. I live in rural Ireland so that’s a lot of green.

Stop reading and look around you … at light and colour and depth and movement.

Savour the taste of your food and drink.

Stop and sniff things … right now … what are the aromas in the air around you?

Touch … wherever you are now … touch something that’s close by [no ... not the stranger sitting next to you] … how does it feel?

Move – just dance and move around … enjoy how your body works.

Listen … what can you hear? Can you separate all the sounds. I can hear a tractor and the wind and my computer humming … and Coco barking. Put on some music and give your ears a treat.

Explore how you can bring more sensual beauty into your home and life … seriously … a gorgeous cushion in an amazing fabric and colour can lift a mood … growing a few herbs and flowers … making a meal from scratch … having music playing.

I have flowers from my garden through the house and when there are no flowers … I’ll bring in leaves and grasses. Simple and free.

Sensual beauty connects to our hearts, minds, bodies and spirits … it’s absence can be a real loss.

Marc and I created a Life Dreaming Promise that has the word Beauty in it … that’s how important we feel it is in our lives … and we will make everything we create in Life Dreaming beautiful.

When we run our first Life Dreaming Voyage in Bali next year the 8 or so people that come along will be cosseted and surrounded by beauty and sensual delights … and have the best fun doing their own life dreaming … deciding what’s important in their lives right now.

Life Dreaming Activity

1. How do you enjoy your senses and how do you create sensual beauty in your home and life?

2. What would you like to do to add more sensual beauty in your life?

Let me know your answers … pop a comment in the box below.

[john bauer - svipdig with freya]

Fear is real … and it’s not. It’s your friend and your foe.

Dog chasing you down the street with teeth bared … fear real? Fear is your Friend.

Not following a dream … fear real? Fear is our Foe.

Fear … real or perceived … kills dreams … dead.

I’ve just made a big decision … and thanks to brother Marc for helping move this dream from safe to downright scary.

I’ve decided to move to Bali at the end of 2011 and live there for a few years. The main reason is that I want to be closer to my family … 2.5 hours flying to West Oz and Singapore. I’ll be moving from Ireland after living here for 18 years.

Yup … another big Life Dream.

The initial excitement of making the decision has been followed by my usual thing … which is to go research the guts out of it … find out more … read about other people’s experiences.

And then the fear rose.

Folks … if I didn’t let it rise … if I didn’t let it speak … then somewhere along the line … it will either start shouting or go silent.

When fear starts to shout we will often close down and not move towards the dream … it all feels too much.

When fear goes silent because we haven’t listened … that can be even worse. It usually means that it’ll work quietly in the background … the inner chatter of self doubt … the weird nagging feelings … all the doubts.

And before you know it ... dream over … and we’ll be able to rationalise our decision beautifully.

And the Safety Sirens call will be heard – ‘ stay here … it’s what you know … it’s scary out there’

So how do you make fear your friend?

I don’t have all the answers but this is what I did yesterday when I stopped to listen to the Fear Chatter:

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