Life Dreaming

Mea Culpa my wonderful Life Dreaming readers … it’s been too long between posts … my damn life keeps getting in the way!

The last few months have been very very busy to the point where I kept getting sick with colds and coughs … and felt tired a lot.

When that starts to happen I know it’s time to stop … reflect … and make a few decisions about the next steps.

The activity over the last 8 weeks has all been about fab stuff:

• We had our Dublin Fashion Swap Shop Event in May – a ton of organising and an amazing day with lots of happy women
• I rewrote and reimagined the 8 Life Dreaming modules and am really pleased with the result. Thanks to Marc’s gentle feedback [he's a People Whisperer] I took the time to deepen the flow between modules and totally rewrote the last 3.
• I was [and am] immersed in an evaluation contract that has involved a lot of work and chatting to interesting people. I’m loving the work and the potential for the future of the programme I’m assessing.
• Pam and I began a Pop Up Shop 2 weeks ago in a new market. We were really pleased at the way we designed the space and women loved what we had on sale. Only problem was … we had to be there 4 days a week and footfall was dreadful.
• I spent quite a bit of time preparing a proposal for potential new work that still had more work to be done [unpaid].

On Sunday Pam and I decided to close the Pop Up Shop as the low footfall meant it wasn’t making any money and we’d stopped having fun … 2 of our key goals.

I felt a rush of relief as I’m so not a 4 day a week in one place kind of woman … specially when it’s not making money.

On Monday I had an important meeting with the CEO of a national Irish organisation about some work I’m currently doing and he asked me whether I’d be interested in doing some further transformation and action work with them.

When he had left I sat and thought about the work that could be coming up over the next 6 months and realised that in order to do it all well I’d have to work hours beyond what is healthy for me … I had to decide what stayed and what got left behind.

I made a risky decision then and there and withdrew from a potential contract. A contract I know I would have enjoyed.

And yesterday [Tuesday] I rewarded myself for all the thinking, reflecting and risky decision making by staying in bed all day yesterday reading trashy novels … wearing my sparkly bracelets … and sipping a glass of sauv blanc … and not thinking about anything.

Bliss.

I’ve learnt a few lessons over these last few weeks and months and I’d like to share them with you:

Be clear about why you’re doing something so you know when to end or continue - the Pop Up Shop was about money, fun and learning. We got 2 out of 3 and decided to end it because the money wasn’t coming in and we’d stopped having fun and we’d learnt all we needed. Too many people continue with things because they’re not sure of their goals … and … they are beset by inner and external chatter that says ‘don’t give up … what’ll people think … they’ll say I was a failure’.

Keep trying different variations of an idea – Pam sells the clothes online; has tried some markets in the country; a market in the city; the recent Pop Up Shop … and maybe … a Sunday Market.

Celebrate all the efforts in the process and not just the result - I made sure we celebrated all our efforts even when the money result wasn’t as good as we’d have liked. I celebrate the fact that we don’t just talk about ideas … we actually make them happen. It’s hard work so I really really place a lot of importance on recognising & rewarding effort.

Be clear about how you define success - if we only defined the success of all the work that Pam and I have done over the last 3 months in terms of economic profit … then we’d be abject failures. I have other profit indicators – creative profit; playful profit; social profit; community profit; learning profit. On all these levels we were a smashing success – we had a lot of fun … were very creative … learnt heaps … provided a service that made a lot of women happy … and still had some money to give to charity.

Be open to taking risks - nuff said

Listen to yourself when H,M,B,I are shouting and reassess priorities - I was getting sick, feeling exhausted and really stressed and into the beginnings of irritation and anger … so … time to stop and reassess. My health [mental and physical] is really at the core of my vibrancy and I was feeling like a shadow of myself this last month. I also know myself well enough that by last weekend I had to make a decision and open more time and space for myself. I can’t work 5 to 7 days a week and still be creative and engaged. So, Pop Up Shop goes – big relief. And my nagging feeling about the potential work was starting to make me jittery … I was focused on the fact that it was the only work on the horizen and I ‘had’ to get some money in and I did like the look of the work but knew it would eat a lot of time and energy over the next 6 months. My priority is getting Life Dreaming Expedition and LD launched within the next 6 months. And if I got the new contract it would either put LD to the backburner or I’d burn myself out trying to do everything. So, I decided to drop the potential contract.

You’ll know when you’re on the right track - the feeling of relief was like a huge truck and elephant had been lifted off me and I could breathe again. Knowing that I’d had the courage to turn down the new work and close the Pop Up Shop made me feel so happy – and my Intuition was happy because I’d listened … and my emotions and body are delighted because they can rest for a wee while.

Reward your courage and creativity - I gave myself yesterday to loll in bed and read trashy novels and drink a glass of sauv blanc and eat hamburgers and sleep … while wearing all my new sparkling bracelets. I believe that we all need these moments and spaces to recharge and celebrate and simply stop charging ahead. Today I’m celebrating by cleaning the house and taking Coco for a walk  and writing this post … feeling relaxed.

Rethink and redecision the next steps - The potential contract that I withdrew from is no longer an income option and I still need money. I’m taking time to look at what options I have and they’re looking good. There’s the possibility of 2 pieces of work that excite me. In September I’m going to start doing the Blogsite workshops again and I’m even thinking of designing a special Life Dreaming for Artists weekend [I've done professional 3 year artist plans with individual artist friends and they love them] as well as a Life Dreaming Voyage for anyone. And getting the LD Expedition launched is a major priority.

Look after yourself - Even when I was feeling stressed and sick I made sure I ate properly and didn’t drink any alcohol for a few weeks and went to bed and got 8 hours sleep. I didn’t berate myself when things weren’t going well … I looked for reasons and new actions and chose to stay fairly optimistic and hopeful. When my optimism waned and I found myself close to tears a lot … then I knew that my basic caring for myself wasn’t enough and I needed to stop, reassess and make some clear decisions.

Get support - I couldn’t have tried the Swap Shop and Pop Up Shop and all the other things over the last 3 months without other people … specifically Pam and Paul. I got to bounce about ideas; try something new; feel heartened and disheartened with my friends, some of whom were as closely involved with these activities as I was … we swam, sank and swam again together.

Loll - oh how I’ve missed my lolling over the last few months. Every day started to feel like it was all just action, action, action … and I’m not made that way! If I learnt nothing else from the last bit of time … I learnt that lolling [for me] is an integral part of my creativity and energy. I get back to my calm place and am able to imagine and create and write … and all my E Factors come back into play. Interestingly, I’ve realised that lolling is not lazy or unproductive … it’s an essential part of enabling me to create ideas and engage with the world. I need time and space to wander around inside my head … to create and explore new ideas … and just reconnect with what’s important in my life.

So there’s my Dirty Dozen learning from all the fab madness of my life over the last few months.

Life Dreaming Activity

Do any of my Dirty Dozen ring a bell for you?

Which ones would you use a lot?

Which ones would you like to use more?

Please let me know you’re still out there by leaving a comment and/or Liking this post.

I promise to write more often now that I’ve resorted a few things.

Do I have your fabulous attention?

Excellent.

Let me tell you a little story that’ll put all this Delicious & Dangerous stuff into perspective.

Someone I love very much emailed me the other day and in the chat I said something like

” I’m feeling a bit blah and there’s quite a few things I want to get done today.”

She replied:

” Yeh, me too. I have to:

• • pack bags for myself and the 2 kids tonight
  • get dinner ready
  • pick up a friends child in the morning
  • fly with 3 children alone on a 2 hour flight
  • pick up the rental car
  • drive to a place to pick up some keys
  • drop the kids off somewhere else
  • get them settled
  • do all that within 2 hours
  • oh yeh … and then I’m having a brain scan in the afternoon and have to drive there and back”

Yup … I emailed back that my day now looked like a bloody walk in the park and I needed to lay down just reading the list.

I then went through her list and asked:

• could your husband help pack the bags or even the kids? Who cares if they wear tutus for 4 days
• order takeaway … or get hubbie to pick something up on the way home. Ask him to do it as we know people aren’t mind readers.
• could the in laws pick up the rental car and have it ready when you got off the plane?
• could someone else pick up the keys?
• could the inlaws get the kids to the apartment?
• what the feck? brain scan … yup … that’s the priority for you and only you can do it

Within an hour she emailed me back and had asked people to help her do a few things on the long list. She’s brilliant like that … very intelligent and able to get things done.

The only problem I see with that Can Do Strength is that we tend to take on too much [and how many of us have raised our hand here? I have both hands in the air].

We take on so much in our lives for any number of reasons:

• because we can
• we don’t believe we deserve support and help
• we don’t trust other people to do it as well as we do
• we like the feeling of being needed and wanted
• we’re afraid people will say no
• we don’t know how to say NO
• we unconsciously assume that people should mind read and know we need help and support
• we don’t want to let go
• we don’t take the time to sort out what’s really important … and what’s just there because that’s the way it’s always been.

The story I just told you got me thinking.

I’m a bit of a not fan of time management … it actually looks like more work … all those files and things. And I’ll own that bias.

I am a fan of reasonably simple solutions … I’m a simple kind of gal.

The question I asked myself was … what do I do to sort stuff in my life [apart from the fab avoidance and procrastination ... which is a post all it's own]?

And here are the Delicious & Dangerous 4D’s.

Now dear Dreamer … only read this if you really really want to be Delicious & Dangerous … no baby wimps allowed in this 4D Zone.

The 4D Zone

Do It

Delegate It

Defer It

Ditch It

That’s it.

I’ve now consciously created my way of sorting things out … the simplest time management tool in the world.

Let’s explore each one a little more.

Do It

This is all about the priority stuff … stuff only you can do.

Brain scan? Can’t send a friend.

Sounds simple and can be Deliciously Devilish [being a seriously intelligent and deeply attractive reader ... you've already caught the riff on D].

You need to create space in your head and heart to sort out what is important … where your priorities lie.

We let the grains of sand in our lives take over from the really big things … we get caught up in the day to day.

Creating space to work out what’s important is vital.

On a daily/weekly level it means taking a few minutes to look at what you want to get done … and where it all fits in the 4D Zone.

On a larger life level it will mean setting aside time to explore where you are … where you want to be … what’s helping/hindering you … and the journey there. Maybe we’ll see you on one of our Life Dreaming Expeditions or Voyages next year.

If spending time with family is important; if getting healthy is important; if moving to Bali [that's me!] is important; if living your passion is important … then for goodness sake … make it a priority in your 4D Zone.

Take the next step … and the next … and the next.

I don’t care how small … show yourself that you are committed to living what is important to you.

Delegate It

I have come to love delegating stuff so I can work with other people to make my dreams a reality.

This blog and the whole Life Dreaming adventure wouldn’t exist without my brother Marc. I can’t do this alone … Marc has skills and experience and insights that I don’t have and I love the support we give each other.

ASK FOR HELP.

Yup … I’m shouting because too many of us stress ourselves into illness [and death] because we don’t ask for help … we do it all ourselves.

Delegating [asking for help] can take many forms:

• paying someone to do something we need done … housekeeping, child minding, learning, take away, counselling etc
• bartering or exchanging goods and services … I did this a lot when I was experiencing the genteel poverty of 2008/9 and parts of 2010. I helped set up small business blogs and got coal and a bit of money in return.
• sharing the load … do 50% and ask a partner, friend or lovely stranger to help with the other 50%
• straight out asking someone to just do something with no specific return [e.g pick up the kids, get dinner ready, read your resume]

The interesting thing is that most people want to help … to be asked.

Just take some time to think about why you don’t ask for help/assistance.

Defer It

A lot of the things we put on our To Do list can actually be put off until later … need to vacuum the house every day? Can it be done every 2nd day or once a week or fortnight?

I can hear you thinking ‘ Yes Liz but … what about when deferring is really about procrastination and avoidance and denial’. Good point.

If you’re caught in some kind of illness or addictive cycle … then try and ask for help. Avoidance in this case is dangerous … and not in a good way.

Look at the things that are important to you … do they really all have to happen NOW? Can some be done now … and others wait 6 months or a year?

What are the grains of sand things that aren’t a priority or important … can they be deferred?

It’s really about sorting out what’s important and a priority [brain scan ... tick] … and what can wait a while.

I love lolling and it’s a Delicious Priority in my life. I’ve long since lost my need to be perfect and get everything done NOW. I create spaces every day for lolling … to just chill. I recharge and re engage with what’s important in my life … it’s a gift I give myself. Some of my best LD ideas wander in while I’m lolling … it’s a great creative space.

Take some time and sift through all the To Do’s … what can be deferred?

Ditch It

Do you really have to do or be something?

Is it time to let go of that:

• behaviour
• pattern
• attitude
• person
• relationship
• thing
• place
• lifestyle
• committee
• community
• activity
• emotion
• addiction
• work
• pet [just kidding ... Coco dog stays!]
• hobby
• memory
• belief
• selftalk

What has been hanging around in your life that needs to go?

What can you dump that will create space and time for things that are now important to you?

When I move to Bali at the end of next year I am giving away nearly everything I own and love to people I love. I did it when I moved from Oz to Ireland in 1993. I’m really good at letting go … at saying NO … at realising when something has come to an end.

Doesn’t mean that I don’t feel pangs … I do [have a gander at my posts ' Change Rooms' and 'Space between 2 Trapezes'].

It’s just that I know I need to create space and time for the new changes … for what’s important in my life right now.

To move on I need to let go.

I hope this has been useful to you dear reader.

And as an added gift Marc and I designed another LD Morsel that let’s you explore the Delicious & Dangerous 4D Zone.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think of the 4D’s … anything to add?

Take good care

Liz

[john bauer - svipdig with freya]

Fear is real … and it’s not. It’s your friend and your foe.

Dog chasing you down the street with teeth bared … fear real? Fear is your Friend.

Not following a dream … fear real? Fear is our Foe.

Fear … real or perceived … kills dreams … dead.

I’ve just made a big decision … and thanks to brother Marc for helping move this dream from safe to downright scary.

I’ve decided to move to Bali at the end of 2011 and live there for a few years. The main reason is that I want to be closer to my family … 2.5 hours flying to West Oz and Singapore. I’ll be moving from Ireland after living here for 18 years.

Yup … another big Life Dream.

The initial excitement of making the decision has been followed by my usual thing … which is to go research the guts out of it … find out more … read about other people’s experiences.

And then the fear rose.

Folks … if I didn’t let it rise … if I didn’t let it speak … then somewhere along the line … it will either start shouting or go silent.

When fear starts to shout we will often close down and not move towards the dream … it all feels too much.

When fear goes silent because we haven’t listened … that can be even worse. It usually means that it’ll work quietly in the background … the inner chatter of self doubt … the weird nagging feelings … all the doubts.

And before you know it ... dream over … and we’ll be able to rationalise our decision beautifully.

And the Safety Sirens call will be heard – ‘ stay here … it’s what you know … it’s scary out there’

So how do you make fear your friend?

I don’t have all the answers but this is what I did yesterday when I stopped to listen to the Fear Chatter:

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[edmund dulac - dreams]

So glad you asked.

Life Dreaming is something we all do.

It’s those moments when you find yourself musing on … what do I want to do and be ? … what if ? … how about?

And too often we find ourselves caught up in the hurly burly of living … all the grains of sand on the beach … all the reasons we have not to dream.

Life Dreaming is something I’ve done all my life and it became particularly important when I moved out of my 20′s and into my 30′s.

I did a lot of work with communities and groups all over Western Australia … working with them to imagine their future … and what was helping and hindering them from creating that future.

A group of women asked me if I’d create something that would give them the space to reflect … dream … imagine … & decide what was important in their lives right now.

Initially I said NO NO NO … too busy … too this … too that …

And one of the women should get a medal for persistence … she just nagged and nagged and nagged … until I said Yes just to shut her up!

Life Dreaming was born.

We had a wonderful time … and I’ve done Life Dreaming many times over the years but not as my core activity. It felt so special to me that I just let it happen whenever.

In 2007 I wrote the Life Dreaming workbook as a gift for the people who did Life Dreaming sessions. My wonderfully talented brother Marc did the design and I wrote the content.

In 2009 he emailed me and suggested that I give the workbook away for free … and I did … and hundreds of people have used it and loved the whole process.

And the day after giving the LD Workbook away for free … Marc suggested [notice I don't say NAG! ... he doesn't nag ... he just gently and persistently keeps asking] that I take each of the Life Dreaming workbook sections and expand them into a big bodacious Life Dreaming Treasure Chest of delights.

I procrastinated [thy name is Liz] and he kept ‘suggesting’ … and I found reasons to be too busy to do it … and he kept ‘suggesting’ … you get my drift.

I eventually took myself and my dog Coco to a cottage and wrote all the Life Dreaming modules.

Then I had to type them up … and there was always a reason why I couldn’t … and Marc kept emailing gentle requests for the text so he could begin the design … and I found reasons to be busy … and he kept emailing until I did an all nighter and typed some of the best Life Dreaming stuff ever.

You know what bugs me about a lot of life coaching and personal development and courses?

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