Life Dreaming

I had plans for today – big plans.

There was a pile of Life Dreaming Expedition design and thinking work on the list.

A great big lovely list that just makes life look like there’s a vestige of control.

I had a plan to site quietly – looking at a candle flame and focusing on my breathing as monks chanted [obviously they're not in the cottage - although in my life anything's possible].

I sat looking at the candle as monks chanted – peace descended – I was one with whatever the universe is …. for exactly 3 minutes!

Coco dog decided I’d been quiet and still for far too long and came over to check I wasn’t dead … then she tried to climb on my lap to make extra sure.

Monks kept chanting … I blew out the candle.

I was drawn to one of my favourite places – the kitchen – and that’s where I got out of my head and found a modicum of peace.

There’s a herb and spice mix that I make from scratch because I love the way it connects me to my senses – to the scent of crushed spices – the look of all the colours – the smells and eventually – the tastes.

When I make the Berbere mix [it's an Ethiopian recipe] I concentrate on just the moment, on just the spice I am crushing and mixing.

And the monks sang on.

As you know I’m a time billionaire and cash challenged so all the food gets eaten.

I rummaged around the fridge and the vegetable bin and created a yummy mince and vege mix that started with a tablespoon of the berbere mix in oil and went from there. I even used the broccoli stalks in the mix and a few vege that were about to say goodbye – spinach, leeks and sweet peppers.

Very tasty.

In all this sensate bliss I went and checked my emails – bad idea. A 1 to 1 design client had messed something up and I will help to fix it. No big deal but I got really irritated because my peace had been disturbed.

Yup – I get the irony.

Decided it’s best just to take a breath and get on with it. I’ll deal with the clients problem and all will be well but I’m leaving the emails alone until later this afternoon when I decide to get back into my head.

I adore my brain and while it is one of my great strengths it is also my greatest weakness. It can crowd out my body, heart and intuition when they want to speak.

I have to consciously create time and space for the other parts of me to not only be heard but also to just exist.

I’m off now to wander the acre of garden that surrounds the cottage I have just moved to in Wicklow. It’s a wonderful space and I get to housesit here for 6 months – a great boon for a cash challenged woman. It’s also a fantastic space for a time billionaire as there are no shops or pubs or anything close by – so I can concentrate time, energy and enthusiasm on getting the Life Dreaming Expedition launched.

Speaking of the LD Expedition – I had a mug made for me and one for brother Marc. I like to have symbols of my dreams around me as I work to make them a reality and what better thing than a mug.

If you’d like the Berber mix recipe just click here.

How do you get out of your head and connect with the other parts of yourself?

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A neat paradox.

This one has been and will be my biggest challenges as I work towards getting me and Coco dog back to Oz in early 2012.

Getting back to Oz – that’s the Big Dream – obviously.

Now dear reader, I would happily loll and live in the moment if :-

• All the money I needed (€12,000 and counting) was in the bank
• Someone else tracked down all the info about transporting a dog across the world – and – sorted my New Zealand passport – and – did all the marketing for my workshops – and – launched Life Dreaming – and and and and

It would be easy peasy.

It’s not – never is – never will be.

That’s the kick in the arse of having dreams and not just drifting through life. You gotta work (and play) your sweet butt off to make things happen.

The last few months have felt really stressed and all because of – money honey.

My delightful life challenge is to find ways to make money in Ireland during a recession (feels like a depression) that has decimated my consultancy.

I’m no quitter so I’ve been developing ideas and trying to get things up and running. Very slow results but I have hope.

A few weeks ago I realised that most of my energy was focused on the future – planning, making lists, thinking about the next steps and worrying myself into a dither.

I wasn’t looking after myself as well as I could. I do love to eat as a comfort and you know I love my bubbles.

I started to feel totally overwhelmed, stressed, irritable and close to depressed. I was letting my thoughts and feelings rule me. The gerbils were running faster and faster in the cage.

That is not the woman I choose to be.

I stopped and explored what I was doing and what needed to be done.

This is what I asked myself

Work out what you want to do and mark what’s negotiable and what’s not – and then decide next steps.

Here’s what I wrote:

• I want to move back to Australia – not negotiable
• I want to bring Coco dog back with me – not negotiable
• I want to feel healthier and calmer – not negotiable
• I need money to move back – not negotiable
• I want to move back to Oz by the end of February 2012 – negotiable

As you can see, my dream is standing the test of time and it’s just the time frame I need to change to decrease the stress and earn the money – and do the thousands of things that need doing.

I am now looking at a move date of April/May 2012 and that has it’s own ramifications as I’ll need to look for short term accommodation from the end of Feb – but that’s something that will work out.

People have suggested I leave Coco dog here for 3 months and go to Oz and earn money. My gut tells me that I’d rather stay here with her and bring her across. Trying to sort someone to look after her has its own costs.

S0, that’s the big picture sorted.

How am I embracing living in the moment?

I’ve created and decided a few things over the last 7 days that have really helped me enjoy the day to day:

• Go Play – I walk Coco for 45 minutes every day. I laugh and throw the ball and just revel in her delight at being alive. She’s the zen mistress of living in the moment. The exercise is also fab for me and I just relax and take lots of deep breaths and keep throwing the ball for Coco.
• Shut the Feck Up - I’ve placed a moratorium on worrying about bloody money for 2 weeks and may extend it. When the fear rises and the Goblins sing – I tell them to shut the feck up – I’m doing the best I can.
• Look after my body – Over the last week I cut out all sugars, starches, carbs and alcohol. I was amazed at how my emotions evened out and calmed down – no anxiety or mood swings. I felt clearer and more able and my body got lighter (by 7lbs) as a result. I’m giving alcohol a miss for the next 60 days and loving my vegetables, fish, chicken and green teas. And it’s no hassle as I can already see the results physically and emotionally.
• Don’t give up - In terms of earning money I’m working every day to promote my workshops and 1 to 1 sessions and am applying for any kind of work that matched my skills. All this effort will reap some reward soon – I hope.
• Enjoy the details - In November I start creating the vids for the Life Dreaming Expedition and I’m tres looking forward to it. I’m also doing a self directed learning course on launching online products so I can be ready next year when we launch it all. I see all the actions I do everyday as having meaning and purpose – working towards my dream. I also see a lot of what I do as a kind of work/play and do the best I can in every moment.
• Ask for Help – I’m asking for help and support from friends, family and complete strangers. I’m asking for feedback on the Luxury Life Dreaming Voyage I’m creating for January. I’m asking/bartering time from a student artist to put my workshop flyers around her campus. I’ll keep asking and most of the time people want to help.
• It’s not always about me – I give my time to help and support others. Like every human being I can be tres self absorbed. Listening and supporting other people takes me away from myself and gives me perspective.
• Treat myself – I bought some second hand books and lovely bar of scented soap this week. Things that cost very little and give me great pleasure.
• Just Stop - I stop all through the day and  - breath in, look around, stretch the old muscles and tell myself it’ll all work out somehow. I revel in the now and relish the taste, texture and scent of things. It calms and delights me. Patting Coco dog always helps.

And when the details of the day to day look like tumbling down on me I

STOP

And take a look at the Big Picture Dream – me and Coco dog on the beach with my sis and time with all my family and friends. I also savour the moment I’m in right now.

New Adventures.

And here’s a little blast from the past – The Only Way is Up

It was my birthday yesterday and many thanks to all the lovely people who sent such lovely wishes … they were all great presents.

I was really delighted to chat to some of my family via skype vid … it’s amazing to be able to chat and see people you love who live 14,000 kms away.

I’m housesitting in the country so there was just me and the dogs … and they don’t talk a lot.

That quiet alone time gives the Heart/Emotions/Feelings a chance to be felt … much to the consternation of Head/Brain/Logic.

What was I feeling?

At 52 there’s a sense of time lived … and less time left [and yes, I am aware I could live another 30 years ... it's not about logic].

I felt out of sorts and the quiet space brought up all those really big questions … that frankly … have no definitive answers.

I wondered about the future direction of my life and the things I’d like to do and be … and just felt unsettled and frustrated at the whole Life Thing.

You see … I don’t believe there’s any great plan or that some external force is guiding and watching over us … and that’s always been both a curse and a blessing in my life.

The blessing is that I am the power behind my own life … I can define it’s purpose and the principles that drive it.

Funnily … the curse is the same … I define my purpose, principles and way of living.

And sometimes that just gets a tad tiring.

I wondered about the energy required to live a life where you are the one that defines, drives and delights in it.

I wondered about the paths not taken and the paths yet to be explored.

Yes Folks … I was in one of those Spaces!!!

A feeling of vague ennui … a wondering.

I didn’t use this quiet space to let my Head start to provide answers or solutions or justifications … I let my Heart feel.

I also knew that these feelings are as fleeting as ones of joy and enthusiasm and delight … all of them are part of the pantheon of the Heart and I give them space … and … I don’t let them lodge for too long.

When I allow my Heart to speak I often have vivid dreams the same night … and I did.

I won’t bore you with the details of the dream … essentially I was questioning my direction and wondering whether I should do a Science or Biology degree so I could do something about the big food issues of the next decade … yup … I dream BIG!

Even in the dream I laughed as these areas have never been a passion of mine … and if I’m not passionate about something then it ain’t gonna happen.

In the dream some kind of big crisis was happening for people and I was in the place where it was happening.

I automatically started talking with people and creating ways to calm and engage them … to focus energy and help people find some kind of personal direction … to laugh and have some kind of playful fun as we did it.

Eerie … sounds just like Life Dreaming and all the work I’ve done with people and communities all my life.

I love engaging with people … connecting them … being part of some kind of process that lets them decide and define their power and direction.

No kidding … my dream told me that what I am and the things I do in the world are exactly as they should be for me.

Even in the dream I knew this was powerful … and very very calming.

The dreaming part of myself is Intuition and it connects my conscious and unconscious … and I listen really carefully.

I woke up feeling better and back to myself.

That’s why I create time and space to be by myself and let all the parts of me … Heart, Mind, Body & Intuition … speak … even and particularly when it feels uncomfortable.

Looking back on yesterday I realise that what felt like a bit of a bummer of a day was really a birthday present to and from myself.