Life Dreaming

Today is my Celebration & Play Day.

On June 16 1993 I stepped off the plane in Dublin after a 40 hour journey from Perth West Australia.

In the 19 years since I have been asked about 20,000 times why I came to Ireland and then – why I stayed.

Every year I do a big Life Dreaming of my own and 1992 was no different.

I did the Life Dreaming Web activity and realised that I had a bloody brilliant life but I was geographically challenged! While I had worked in nearly every Shire in WA I had lived there without any travel since I was 7.

It was time to rattle my own cage – something I do a lot!

I used all my LD activities and was very clear about what I wasn’t when it came to travel. I’m not that woman who happily sits on the bus for 2 days packed closely with people and chickens! I was clear about what I did want – to see if my skills earned over 10 years of community and strategic planning work would transfer internationally [they did!]

My parents are both Irish and I was curious to see the country where they were born and raised – and get a sense of how that culture helped make them who they were.

So, Ireland it was and I spent the next year sorting out what I needed to do to get there. I took  a years unpaid leave from my part time job. I didn’t want to burn my bridges if I didn’t like Ireland or travel [I resigned 6 months into my stay in Ireland as I knew I was hooked].

On June 15 1993  I left on my first international flight travelling business class one way for the first and only time in my life. I had decided that my first international flight should be done in style and comfort.

What follows below is an email I sent Marc at 5 am this morning. I think it says it all.

The sun is slowly rising on my 19 year in Ireland.

not bad for early morning with no make up and 52 years and 10 months on the clock!

I’ve had times in my life when I’ve said to myself … when ‘x’ happens … then I’ll be happy.

[kay nielson - in the midst of the gloomy wood]

When I:

• lose weight
• earn more money
• have no debts
• start that new business
• exercise more
• find that person who will be my soulmate

Thankfully, I say that less and less in my life these days.

Why?

Because I choose to be creative, content and bloody grateful every single day … regardless of my circumstances.

I’ve written before about a quote I read when I was 30 or 31 by a guy called Victor Frankl. He wrote an amazing book called Man’s Search for Meaning and one quote in particular changed my life

Everything can be taken from you but one thing: the last of the human freedoms … to choose your attitude in any given set of circumstances. To choose one’s own way. 1959.

Let me put that quote and the man in some perspective for you.

He wrote this book after he had spent many years in a nazi concentration camp … where everything is taken from you. He decided that we all have the power to create meaning in our lives regardless of how bad [or good] our external circumstances look.

That quote shifted the axis of my world when I was 30 and has been at the core of me ever since.

In 2008 and 2009 I experienced the cutting edge of the recession here in Ireland … nothing like being a trailblazer!

The clients I worked with in the non profit charity sector had their budgets decimated and they couldn’t hire me.

In those 2 years my income nearly disappeared … money was really really tight. In 2009 I couldn’t pay my rent for many months and heating the house in the winter was difficult.

I sound a little like the match stick girl in the snow … but I wasn’t.

When I saw what was happening I knew I would find ways to cut back, create new revenue, find ways to stay warm and eat … I see myself as very resilient and able to deal with the shit when it happens. And I asked and received different kinds of help and support in that time.

That wasn’t the core thing I did to thrive [notice I didn't say just survive] in those challenging times.

I sat myself down and had a chat with myself and this is kind of how it went …

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When you were a kid at the swimming pool and you stood at the end of the diving board … did you ever walk back and say ‘I’m not ready yet’.

I did … specially on the high board. I walked off that sucker a few times.

And when you got a bit older and had to write a report for work or school … how often did you say ‘I’m not ready to write it yet … just a bit more research.’ Yup … my hand is in the air.

When has the ‘I’m not ready yet‘ been a valid reason … and when has it been an excuse.

An excuse … to stay in your comfort zone … to not take a risk.

I’m all for great planning and preparation … I’m the PP Queen. I can research and prepare and make lists and … do some more research and planning … and tell people about it … and and …

Eventually you just have to uncurl your toes from the diving board and jump. I never did dive from the high up board … but I did jump and loved it.

A few years ago I was asked by some guys I know if I wanted to jump of a cliff with them into the ocean … fab idea says I.

We suited up and walked across the wet stones to the cliff area where there were 2 fishermen chilling out and now wondering who these 3 strange people were.

The guys walked me to the edge of the cliff and explained how to do the jump safely and where to swim to and how to relax with the current. The waves were crashing against the rocks and there was a bit of current action in the water.

Oh yeh … and I’m doing this without my glasses! I am soooo shortsighted that you start to blur when you’re less than a foot away from me.

So there I am squinting down [it's only 60 or so feet but baby ... when you're about to jump it ... it looks like 1000 feet] trying to see which way the current is moving.

not me or Irish water [it was a lot darker and rougher]  but you get a sense of the feeling … and this guy only jumped 30 feet!

One of the guys jumped first to show me how it’s done properly.

The other guy is saying things like ‘If you’re not ready just relax and go when you feel ready.’

He hadn’t even finished that sentence before I just jumped in … he said later that he’s never seen a first timer just jump so quickly… they usually stood for ages looking down … not quite ready to jump.

Standing on the cliff … blind as a bat … waves crashing … fisherman and 2 other men looking on … 60 ish feet up … I realized something.

You’re never going to feel totally ready.

So I just jumped … and it was an amazing feeling … the falling and the landing were fab … and then just going with the movement of the waves was exquisite.

Notice that I didn’t:

• just wander off any cliff
• do this alone … I went with guys who knew what they were doing
• jump in only wearing my swimming costume … I was suited and booted and helmeted .. and the water is too cold in Ireland for me to be jumping without a wetsuit
• just jump … I was shown the safe way to do it

I did do some preparation and planning … and should I ever need major surgery I hope my doctors have had plenty of preparation and experience … and aren’t just winging it for the laughs.

I’m not advocating that you shouldn’t prepare and plan and build your skills.

What I’m saying is that you need to be very honest with yourself when you say ‘I’m not ready yet’.

Really?

Is this something you’ve dreamed of doing?

Is it something you’re passionate about ?

Have you done real preparation, research and planning?

Did you get yourself a support team of people who believe in you?

Ticked a shitload of stuff off your lists?

If you answered yes to any and all of these … then what’s really stopping you?

Are you waiting for perfection?

Pretty sure that’s not gonna happen.

Be willing not to be ready … be willing to take that leap … be willing to live with the confusion and fear and never quite knowing.

Listen to your inner chatter when it blah blahs on about ‘ it’s too soon … I need more time … I’ll stuff it up’. Just don’t let that inner chatter stop you.

Did I ever jump off a cliff again? Nope … some experiences are just one offs. Although I have abseiled off cliffs a dozen times and I single kayaked white water.

And it’s not just about being ready for physical leaps. There are emotional, intellectual, creative … many many different kinds of leaps.

Do I try things even when I don’t feel I’m totally ready? Yup … and they’re the things I really really care about doing and being.

I’ve kind of gotten used to never  feeling ready … to feeling a little confused and off kilter.

And I still allow myself to take time to prepare and plan and dream … as long as I eventually GOYA [get of your arse] and take the leap.

That’s the difference between the Dreamers who act and the Dreamers who don’t.

Life Dreaming Activity

Think about something you’ve really wanted to do/be … and haven’t done because you felt you weren’t ready.

1. What have you done to move towards achieving the dream?

2. List all the reasons why you aren’t ready

3. Go thru and tick the ones that are really valid [e.g want to be a doctor ... need to go to medical school]

4. Now cross the ones that are just excuses not to take a risk and stay in your comfort zone

5. What are the next steps you will take to achieve your dream?

I’d love to hear what you wrote. I always learn from other people and you could help me and other readers.

Leave a comment below.

[edmund dulac - dreams]

So glad you asked.

Life Dreaming is something we all do.

It’s those moments when you find yourself musing on … what do I want to do and be ? … what if ? … how about?

And too often we find ourselves caught up in the hurly burly of living … all the grains of sand on the beach … all the reasons we have not to dream.

Life Dreaming is something I’ve done all my life and it became particularly important when I moved out of my 20′s and into my 30′s.

I did a lot of work with communities and groups all over Western Australia … working with them to imagine their future … and what was helping and hindering them from creating that future.

A group of women asked me if I’d create something that would give them the space to reflect … dream … imagine … & decide what was important in their lives right now.

Initially I said NO NO NO … too busy … too this … too that …

And one of the women should get a medal for persistence … she just nagged and nagged and nagged … until I said Yes just to shut her up!

Life Dreaming was born.

We had a wonderful time … and I’ve done Life Dreaming many times over the years but not as my core activity. It felt so special to me that I just let it happen whenever.

In 2007 I wrote the Life Dreaming workbook as a gift for the people who did Life Dreaming sessions. My wonderfully talented brother Marc did the design and I wrote the content.

In 2009 he emailed me and suggested that I give the workbook away for free … and I did … and hundreds of people have used it and loved the whole process.

And the day after giving the LD Workbook away for free … Marc suggested [notice I don't say NAG! ... he doesn't nag ... he just gently and persistently keeps asking] that I take each of the Life Dreaming workbook sections and expand them into a big bodacious Life Dreaming Treasure Chest of delights.

I procrastinated [thy name is Liz] and he kept ‘suggesting’ … and I found reasons to be too busy to do it … and he kept ‘suggesting’ … you get my drift.

I eventually took myself and my dog Coco to a cottage and wrote all the Life Dreaming modules.

Then I had to type them up … and there was always a reason why I couldn’t … and Marc kept emailing gentle requests for the text so he could begin the design … and I found reasons to be busy … and he kept emailing until I did an all nighter and typed some of the best Life Dreaming stuff ever.

You know what bugs me about a lot of life coaching and personal development and courses?

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