Life Dreaming

Hi Dreamers

I hadn’t written for a while, so I thought I’d drop in and give Liz a break.

I’m having something of a love/hate relationship with a site called TripAdvisor at the moment. If you haven’t come across it before, it’s the Lonely Planet of the digital age, except they don’t editorialise… it’s all crowdsourced.

I had such a bad experience at a restaurant in Bangkok a while back that I felt the need to vent (or as I like to think of it, give friendly advice to other travellers). While I was there I also posted a few good discoveries I’d made. Then a few months later I started posting some reviews of places in Johor Bahru in Malaysia, because its coverage on the site was so dusty that it made it seem like a sad whistle-stop of two factories and a bus station.

Not only did I give, but I received as well. I discovered the pleasures of crowdsourced travel and the question of “where should we go for dinner?” became an adventure again.

But then I had a crisis of conscience. While I certainly appreciated the sneak insights offered by others, what was I doing giving away my favourite travel secrets? Next time I go to that little cafe I know in JB that does the French Press coffee and the addictive Korean breakfast rolls, will it be over-run with tourists, iPads propped against the centrepiece, ordering the things I ordered and sitting in my chair?

I’m still not sure if it’s just selfishness, perhaps it is, but I like to think that what my crisis was really about was the death of serendipity. I didn’t like Lonely Planet back in my backpacking days (although I’d gratefully sneak at look at one from a fellow traveller whenever I got the chance) and I’m not sure I care for its modern substitute. I can hear its siren call, but I’ve been around the block and I’ve heard the sailor stories.

I wonder to what extent this crowdsourced attempt we make to eliminate accidents from our life makes our lives smaller? Should some things, perhaps, be left to chance?

In an insightful look at exactly that question, Life in Review: Crowdsourced Tastemaking and the Death of Serendipity author Ylajali Hansen quotes Guy Debord, presiding genius of the 1950s artist-revolutionary group The Situationist International. In “Theory of the Dérive, Debord writes:

“Among the various situationists methods is the dérive [literally: drifting], a technique of transient passage through varied ambiances. The dérive entails playful constructive-behavior and awareness of psychogeographical effects: which completely distinguishes it from the classical notions of the journey and the stroll.”

Basically, what Debord is recommending is a walk without purpose, embracing randomness and curiosity. He recommends “slipping into houses undergoing demolition, wandering in subterranean catacombs fobidden to the public, starting up conversations with various passerby” and generally embracing the infinite possiblities and experiences open to someone willing to trod untrodden ways.

I don’t advocate not doing a little research or trying to minimise risks, but I worry that as it becomes easier and easier to walk in other people’s footsteps, we settle for the predictable at the cost of the serendipitous. Often it’s accidents that form the tapestry of our memories, making our lives uniquely ours… not to mention the opportunities they might bring.

In the LifeDreaming Expedition, Liz does some fabulous exercises focused on listening to your body and understanding what different parts are telling you about decisions you are trying to make. She uses Heart, Mind, Body and Spirit as indicators. The Mind is a powerful friend, and it’s the one we tend to place the most emphasis on in our Western culture. It’s also the one I think is nurtured the most by crowdsourced reviews. We love to research and analyse, and we see it as the magical doorway to “right” decisions.

But what about “gut feeling”, instinct or just random attraction for no reason that we can understand? What about coincidence, happenstance and serendipity? If we try to push that out of our lives, then are we not only diminishing our own opportunities but also our own personal power?

I remember on the backpacker trail the hoards of travellers with their nose in “the book”, sitting in cafes that had long ago got lazy and let their standards slip, or squeezing into the last room of an overcrowded hostel while equally good or better ones lay empty only a few doors away.

The beaten paths in life are like that. Your risks are reduced, but I wonder at what cost?

=)  Marc

A couple of other great articles about the death of serendipity:

The Dangers of Homogenization. What Flavor is Your Tofu?
Jacques Vallee’s Stating The Obvious: I, Product

My fave hotel in Singapore … the Scarlett.

My brother Marc has suddenly taken to adding his thoughts at the end of my posts … and I love it. He always brings another fab perspective to the Life Dreaming table.

He wrote something on Mondays post and it’s been wandering around my head all week … and I’ve kept seeing examples of it everywhere.

Here’s what he wrote and I want to explore it more today.

But, in my experience, opportunity doesn’t always look like you expect it to.

It can be serendipitous, surprising, perhaps even course-altering.

It can be mischievous… perhaps showing up in disguise or requiring that you leap a small hurdle (or two, or three) before it reveals itself…

Wish and dream. Visualise and plan. GOYA. But don’t let it blinker you.

Stay open to the world and all the mad serendipity it contains. Treat it all (and yourself) with kindness and joy.

Because as long as you’re out there working towards your dreams, you might not need to find everything you need, it might find you.

For those of you that are curious about what serendipity is I wrote about it when I first launched my personal blog Liz Biz in early 2007 [where has the time gone?]. Here are a few lines that I quite enjoyed reading again …

Serendipity is one of my fave words. To me it means letting myself wander without any preplans, lists, agendas – and see what happens and where I end up. I love doing serendipity – letting go of the what ifs, the shoulds, the buts …and wandering into the unexpected.

The secrets of serendipity can be yours. Allow yourself to let go of constraints for a moment and then see where serendipity takes you. Give your brain a rest and let your intuition and imagination lead you. Feel the ‘tug’ towards a place – wander in and see/feel/hear/taste what’s there – wander on.

The paradox (another fave word) is that serendipity is a kind of unconscious consciousness – an awareness that if we listen … can take us down unexpected paths.

I always say that I have a bad sense of direction because I love getting lost. I end up seeing things and meeting people that I didn’t expect. See, that’s the magic of serendipitying – the unexpected.

I’ve serendipitied in Rome, Paris, London, Boston, New York, Dublin, Singapore, Oz & Ballinamore – wandered around and just listened to the ‘tug’ inside me that says ‘go down that street … go into that shop … smile at that person … taste that … touch that’.

In the process of serendipity we also give ourselves the space and time to see things in a different light – there can be a heightening of all the senses because we’re wandering without a plan … we use a radar that tunes in new opportunities.

Daydreaming is a great example of serendipitying in your conscious and unconscious – misty wanderings that have all sorts of images and sounds – sometime becoming a crystal idea – sometimes one of those mmmmmmmmm moments.

That’s the paradox that I try and blend into Life Dreaming … how to be open to new opportunities AND have some kind of sense of what’s important and what you’d love to do and be.

That’s how I live.

Those of you that have been following my writing and Life Dreaming know that one of my big LD’s is to move to Bali next year … fab.

I’m just back from 2 days working in Dublin [2 hours train trip from where I live] as well as catching up with a few friends.

And in all the serendipity of the last few days I also realised that I might need to move back to Dublin in 2011 before I move to Bali … for a range of reasons that are both personal and professional.

So I now blend the serendipity into my bigger LD plan … knowing that other opportunities to adapt and change my LD actions will arise [and as I write another one has arisen. A friend Facebooked asking if anyone would look after their dog for a month while they had a holiday in Oz. I had a very strong intuition to say I'd do it even though I already have a big dog to look after. Their dog was going to stay here and in the last 10 minutes my friend and I have agreed that I'll take Coco and live in their house in Dublin for the month over Xmas. I can then be in Dublin to explore house sitting/sharing opportunities for 2011. My Opportunity Radar is on high alert].

What doesn’t change regardless of the opportunities and serendipities is the clarity I have about what’s important to me right now … what drives me … how I want to be in the world. That keeps me sane and content  when all about me looks like creative chaos!

And I hear some of you ask … What if I seize an opportunity on this mad serendipity and it doesn’t work?

Fractals

Damn fine question.

The answer to that depends on a lot of things that I’ll write about in another post … for now let me give you an example from a dear friends life.

A dear friend … let’s call her Gorgeous … recently moved jobs to what looked like an awesome opportunity … and in many ways it was.

The new job had:

• More money
• Great co workers
• Amazing benefits
• Very cool working environment

So she took it … why not … it was an amazing opportunity.

Less than a month into the job I was talking with her and she was really puzzled about why she was feeling so unsettled and unhappy [have a read of Change Rooms].

We explored a pile of things including the new work environment [yup there were some difficulties but nothing she couldn't handle] and how she was looking after herself.

It felt to me that it wasn’t about the job at all … there was a broader question that she needed to explore …

Was she living her passion … was the job the most important thing?

Her answer was … Yes and No.

Yes … she knew what her passion was … and … No … it was getting crowded out by the demands of her new job.

My intuition [which I listen to very very closely] was telling me that she needed to leave the job … find a lower paying and less demanding job … and focus her attention, time and energy on manifesting her Passion [she's an amazing performer].

That’s exactly what she did and I saw her when I was in Dublin this week … she looks so much happier. She’s given her notice [even after the management offered her even more money] and is looking for a less demanding work position and starting to plan her big performance moves on a global scale!!!

Moral of this Story?

Sometimes opportunities arise that are so fabulous we are tempted to take them … even if it means losing sight of our passions for a while.

Temptation is sometimes an interesting test of whether we really really want to pursue our passions … to focus on what’s important to us in our lives.

Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t … that’s life.

What is critical to this story is that Gorgeous was open to new opportunities … she gave it a go … and then realised that it was taking her away from what was really important in her life. She then altered course to refocus on her passion … and will continue to be open to opportunities and serendipities. She’ll just be a little clearer in the future about why she takes and leaves them.

That’s known as the Opportunity Cost of a decision … there are only so many paths we can take at once.

Some opportunities … regardless of how fabulous and awesome they are … will be paths that we don’t travel because we’ve decided on another awesome one.

Life Dreaming Activity

Think about your life.

Can you remember times when what looked like an awesome opportunity arose  … you took it … and it ended up taking you away from your passion … away from what was really important in your life?

What did you do?

I’d love to hear what you did … leave me a note below.

Have you heard about the Law of Attraction?

It became a hit with that godawful book The Secret … I revere books … they are my magic world … and The Secret was the first book I ever wanted to burn.

It’s not that she doesn’t have some ideas … it’s the fact that she pretty much needed lots and lots of other voices to affirm her voice [there are LOTS of quotes from other people] … and after a while it all starts to repeat itself.

So … if you really really want something all you have to do is think about it and the Law of Attraction kicks in … it’ll come find you.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

In my Life Dreaming workbook [you can download it free at the front page] I talk about Imagination and Intuition.

I firmly believe in the power of a Clear Wishing … being very very clear about what’s important to you and what you want to create in your life.

You don’t wish for a House … you spend time clarifying what kind of home … rural or city … rooms … materials … land etc. You use your imagination to see yourself in the Home … relaxing … being with friends and family. You write it down … you refine it. You have fun seeing yourself in that future … whatever the wish.

And that’s where some people stop.

A dear friend told me a story about a relative who read The Secret and other stuff on the Law of Attraction … she spends her time imagining the future and pretty much stays at home … that’s it.

Now folks … if you’ve read The Secret and the Law of Attraction … stayed home imagining … and it all came to your door … then fair fecking luck to you [and don't get me started on Your so Lucky!].

If I could just sit at home and wish Life Dreaming into existence without any of the effort that Marc and I are putting in … yeh baby … sign me up.

Most of us have to GOYA to make our wishes come true.

GOYA?

Yeh … get off your arse.

Sitting at home wishing … watching shit on tv … eating crap … and wondering why things aren’t changing … ummmm … duh.

Clear Wishing is only one part of the whole Life Dreaming process that we’ll be launching in Feb 2011 with the LD Expedition online workshops … there’s all the fun of planning … gaining support and resources … dealing with fears … drawing on your amazing strengths … and taking all the steps to make it real.

Linking your words to actions is the key.

When the Clear Wishings are big [me moving to Bali from Ireland late next year] then there are a pile of actions to put in place … so far no one has come to my door and offered to do it all for me.

Being clear about why it’s important in my life to move to Bali really helps me focus … researching it helps … telling family and friends helps … asking for support helps … developing an action plan helps … imagining myself in Bali with Coco dog helps … writing about my fears helps … and these are all actions [and more] that I’m putting in place to make my Wishing come true.

Even when the Wishing is small [restart my Wii exercise programme by buying aa batteries for the wii thingy] there are still actions to be taken.

So … in the words of the great Elvis … a little less conversation a little more action!

Watch the dancing …. it’s a hoot!

MARC SAYS…

We weren’t a particularly religious household, but I’m sure it was a family saying around my home when I was growing up that “God helps those who help themselves”. That was taken to apply to everything from studying hard to not returning an empty water bottle to the fridge and turning off lights and fans when you left a room. [ Liz - I remember Dad walking behind us when we left a room saying 'is anyone in that room ... do the lights turn themselves off?' I still hear that voice when I leave a light on!]

It was a running joke at the time, but it’s one of those life lessons that serves you well forever.

We also drew the good queue number when it came to parents, and were blessed with support and encouragement in everything we did. The proviso, of course, was that we’d have to put in the work for it. No silver spoons in our house.

[Liz again - one of Dad's sayings has always stuck in my head. He used to say that he didn't care what we did ... if we wanted to dig holes for a living that would be fine ... as long as we dug the best holes that we could.]

But there’s another lesson I’ve learnt as an adult… which of course applied to my childhood as well, perhaps just less consciously.

Yes, you need to visualize… and you need to GOYA. When they say “opportunity knocks”, they don’t mean “at your front door, while you’re in your jammies doing nothing”. They mean while you’re out there, doing things that will help you achieve your dreams.

But, in my experience, opportunity doesn’t always look like you expect it to. It can be serendipitous, surprising, perhaps even course-altering. It can be mischievous… perhaps showing up in disguise or requiring that you leap a small hurdle (or two, or three) before it reveals itself.

I had my tarot cards read once and was told “while you look for this thing you won’t find it, but when you give up trying, it will find you”. I crossed her palm with silver and thought nothing more of it, but sure enough, it’s a lesson that’s repeated itself for me over and over again.

I love all the things that Liz has written above. True words all. But I wanted to add this little bit to the bottom, a little like the 5pt type you find on the packaging of medicine and sharp objects (“Do not operate these scissors if you are under 5 years old, drunk or psychotic”).

Wish and dream. Visualise and plan. GOYA. But don’t let it blinker you. Stay open to the world and all the mad serendipity it contains. Treat it all (and yourself) with kindness and joy. Because as long as you’re out there working towards your dreams, you might not need to find everything you need, it might find you.

That’ll be one piece of silver please.

=) best wishes
Marc

p.s from Liz – and as usual Marc puts the icing on the cake. I sooo agree with him … serendipity and synchronicity are 2 of my favourite words. That’s the paradox of Life Dreaming … we give you lots of fab tools … and … we ask you to stay open to all the mad, crazy & delicious opportunities that tip toe & dance into your life. Keep your Opportunity Radar open at all times.

Life Dreaming Activity

In what areas of your life do you need a little less conversation and a little more action.

Mine is exercise … that’s why I bought the aa batteries for the wii today … and start the exercise programme again tomorrow.